The best Bolivian election, ever!

Did you know, the election is five weeks from today? Yup, five more weeks of...this. Since election campaigns are traditionally five weeks long, the campaign really should only be commencing today, so forget everything you've heard up to this point. I'm sure you'll have no trouble doing that.

Buford McGraw's insensitive observation of the day: watching Bolivian election highlights (man, you thought our debates were exciting, and who didn't, you should have seen the debate slugfest between Evo Morales and Jorge Quiroga - now that was political theatre!) But anyway, my question: how do Bolivian women get those bowler hats they all wear to stay on their head? They wear them so high up on their head, they're just teetering, like...uhm, like a...llama negotiating...an icy mountain pass.

That's all I got for Bolivian analogies, sorry.

Sunday night political football

In place of Desperate Housewives this evening, we present you with this special edition of Desperate President.

I guess I better be careful what I type - they might be watching me for being critical of the president.

A big, empty waste of two hours

My wife, re Harper: "He's promising way too much stuff."

Me: "Yeah, but his hair's looking better."

Did anybody else hear him describe us as a "big, empty country" during the debate? Did I hear that right? Words came out wrong there, I guess...

Debate Night in Canada

Maybe that rag Maclean's was on to something a couple of issues back - Jack really does look like Lenin. Give him a Van Dyke to go along with that moustache, and it's vanguard of the proletariat all the way, baby.

Why does Gilles Duceppe even bother taking part in the English debate? Aside with providing him with yet another opportunity to further enamour himself to English Canada

Well, 11 minutes into the debate and Harper has already reminded the country that he's reallllly moderate. Mhmmm...

Oh shit, my Paul Martin "very clear" and "the fact is" tally: I haven't been keeping track! Let's say he's already said each...15 times and go from there.

No knockout kicks to the groin landed in leaders' debate

OK, I know that you were all planning to watch the debate tonight, but I'll save you the time and effort. I've looked three hours into the future, and I can already tell you that there will be no "knockout punches landed" as well as "decisive winner." That will be the only thing that comes out of it, trust me, so you can go get drunk now. It's Friday night. Go to your Christmas party, for God's sake. I may very well be the only person in Canada who winds up watching the freakin' debate tonight.

And people - you can't have it both ways - everybody was bitching about the scream-fest that was last year's debate (and 2000's, and 1997's, etc.), so new debate rules were imposed for this campaign's debates to make things more "civil," and what's everybody complaining about? How tame and boring the debate was last night. Whaddya want people? Screaming or somnambulistic civility? Make up your minds!

No knockout kicks to the groin landed

OK, I know that you were all planning to watch the debate tonight, but I'll save you the time and effort. I've looked three hours into the future, and I can already tell you that there will be no "knockout punches landed" as well as "decisive winner." That will be the only thing that comes out of it, trust me, so you can go get drunk now. It's Friday night. Go to your Christmas party, for God's sake. I may very well be the only person in Canada who winds up watching the freakin' debate tonight.

And people - you can't have it both ways - everybody was bitching about the scream-fest that was last year's debate (and 2000's, and 1997's, etc.), so new debate rules were imposed for this campaign's debates to make things more "civil," and what's everybody complaining about? How tame and boring the debate was last night. Whaddya want people? Screaming or somnambulistic civility? Make up your minds!

How are you...(check notes) doing?

That's the last week-long ether binge I'll ever go on. Yeesh. Sorry for the delay in blogging, but this election campaign is boring the fuck out of me. Where is the mud-slinging? Where is the name calling? I want invective! Come on, people, enough with the 'issues'!

So, anyway, something I noticed that nobody else had, apparently - last Friday night, whilst watching the National, there was a story on the subject of the Conservative campaign - Harper was making an announcement in Vancouver (I think) about tax cuts for old people, or something like that, and they had selected a seniors' drop-in centre to make the announcement. Some genius from the Conservative campaign thought it would be a good idea for Steve-O to do a little 'main streeting' with the seniors on hand.

With his trademark personable charm, the cameras caught Stephen approaching a table of euchre-playing seniors. He asked them, "so...who's...winning?"

With impeccable timing, one of the ladies at the table snapped, without even looking up at him, "the NDP."

Instead of rolling with it, or trying to make light of the situation with a joke or a grin, Harper instead skulked off quickly with a somewhat panicked look on his face, as the CBC reporter (can't remember who) voiced-over something along the lines of "not exactly what he wanted to hear." Really. Ya don't say.

I could just hear the conversation that night on the Conservative campaign bus - "Don't let him talk to people! Goddamit!"

And...sigh, if only I had children, then I'd soon be able to go off and get some beer and popcorn with my big fat Tory cheque...maybe the wife and I should start procreating.

Harper's plan to eliminate health care waiting lists

I know you're busy, so you probably missed it, but basically, here's how it's going to work in a nutshell:

Should the Conservatives win and the electorate wakes up on January 24 and realize that the Conservatives will actually be forming the next government and Mr. Harper will be our next Prime Minister, approximately 40 to 45 per cent of Canadians will flee the country in horror (myself included - I'll be on the first plane to Stockholm), which will result in the elimination of all health care waiting lists literally overnight, as, well, about half the country will be gone within days.

Sounds like a pretty fool-proof plan - they've got my vote.

Now, I'm off to buy a Swedish-English dictionary. Everybody pretty much speaks English there, right? As long as I yell real loud at everyone when asking questions, am I wrong?

Question, two days after the fact

Do you think Michael Ignatieff advocates torture for the members of his (new-found) riding association? Are there a lot of Etobicoke-Lakeshore voters in Boston?

I'm sorry, that's all I've got right now...

There'll be some kinda crap on the site in the next couple days -we'ze workin' on it.