"Looks like I'll be 'shuckin the scallop' again tonight."
-Fisherman Eddie Astonbury of Digby, Nova Scotia suffers through the long, solitary troll of the night.

New Brunswick-Canada's Drive-Through Province
The First Installment in our 'Denigrating Canada's Provinces, One-by-One' Series

Ask a non-New Brunswicker (or even a native New Brunswicker) to tell you something about New Brunswick, and you're likely to receive….a shrug of the shoulders. "New Brunswick?" they might say, followed by something like, "Are you absolutely sure that's a province?"

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Feds Announce 'Money East' Campaign

Money East trains will be stopping for 45 minutes at every community over 5,000, in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island. The remaining money from each train will then be loaded on a specially commissioned Money East ferry at North Sydney, Nova Scotia for transportation to Newfoundland. Rowboats will be contracted out by the federal government for further money allocation around the perimeter of the province.

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Struggling Cape Breton Cemetery Hires Marketing Director

The fledgling North Gut Union Cemetery in North Gut, Nova Scotia, has retained the services of a marketing professional to drum up business, with the hopes of attracting new customers.

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Anti-Finland League Decries Growing Finlandization of Maritimes

Atlantic Canada must strongly resist the growing influence of Finland and the Finnish language, according to the Maritime District President of the Anti-Finland League. At a Halifax press conference yesterday to announce a new "Let's Finish with Finnish" publicity campaign, AFL Maritime leader Howard Bigotron criticized the leaders of Canada's maritime provinces for their "blatant pandering towards the powerful Finnish lobby," while accusing them of succumbing to "rampant political correctness."

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For further time-killing and amusement, here are links to some "classic" Atlantic Canada-themed news articles from thehammer.ca:

Halifax Man Has Third Testicular Exam of the Week
Moncton Man Makes Sixth Attempt at Reading Manufacturing Consent
Reserved, Teetotalling Newfie Disappoints Co-Workers
Newfoundland's Only Swing Club Goes Out of Business