Canadian Humour, Satirical News and Hard-Hitting News.
Bringing you the best Canadian satire since 2001.
Banner, 728x90px

Canadian Satire, Humour and Hard-Hitting News View theHammer.ca Headline Feed The Hammer PodCast - Great Canadian Satire and Conversations with the creator's of TheHammer.ca, Trevor and David The Hammer PodCast - Great Canadian Satire and Conversations with the creator's of TheHammer.ca, Trevor and David

Martin, Harper Arrested After Post-Non Confidence Vote Punchup at Parliamentary Christmas Party

Stephen Harper after non confidence vote.
Paul Martin after non confidence vote.
Police suffered bite wounds (Harper) and general annoyance (Martin), but were released once they settled down.

The very night the Martin minority government fell, police had to be called to Parliament Hill to break up a fistfight between Prime Minister Paul Martin and Opposition Leader Stephen Harper.

The dust-up between the two took place at the Parliamentary Christmas reception that Speaker Peter Milliken alluded to prior to the non-confidence vote, according to Globe and Mail gossip columnist Jane Taber, who was attending the reception, asking everyone what designer they were wearing.

"So, everybody was just kind of like, milling about, awkwardly staring at one another, when Paul walked over to the buffet table," Taber explained, "but Stephen was kinda in the way. Anyway, he like, asked Stephen to pass the cheese dip, and Stephen was like, 'fuck you, get your own fuckin' cheese dip, asshole,' and Paul was all like, 'you don't have to be such a bitch, Stephen, let's try to be civil about this,' and then Stephen grabbed his crotch and told him to 'suck it,' and by then Paul's crew was all around him like, telling him to back off, and then boom, about 20 fists were flying and everything went crazy," she continued. "Everyone was getting involved-Claudette Bradshaw threw a cross-body block at Rona Ambrose, Monte Solberg levelled Ralph Goodale with a flying elbow smash...it was all crazy, man. Belinda's strapless Versace even got wrinkled. She was totally crying.

"And," Taber added, "Jack Layton was just standing there in the middle of it all with his guitar, begging everybody to please stop."

Both sides claim the other threw the first punch, A spokesperson for the RCMP said charges will probably not be laid, as "they're all a bunch of idiots."

After being released from lockup for the night, a spokesperson for Harper said the leader of the Conservative Party looks forward to "continuing to discuss the issues" on the campaign trail. The Prime Minister was unavailable for comment, as he was "nursing a shiner," according to a Liberal campaign staffer.

Posted on November 29th, 2005


 

 
Neil_Young-468x60

The Hammer - Canadian Satirical News, Stories and Hard-Hitting Headlines
©2004 Cancon10 Inc. [ Disclaimer and Privacy Notice ]
Content on this site is satirical and intended for mature audiences.