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Hurricane Katrina Evacuees To Be Deployed to Iraq

Hurricane Katrina Evacuees To Be Deployed to Iraq

As the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina continues to wreak havoc on residents of New Orleans and the gulf coast area of the Southeastern United States, the Bush administration has come under a torrent of criticism for its lack of preparedness and slow response to the crisis. Earlier today, however, while visiting the region, the president unveiled a new strategy to deal with the tens of thousands of displaced in the region, while also quelling the angry, starving hordes who have the temerity to criticize his imperial reign.

The commander-in-chief today announced 'Operation Katrina Freedom', which will see the deployment of hurricane victims to Iraq, where they will work to "secure and protect American freedom from evil-doers."

With massive troop shortages impacting both the war effort in Iraq, as well as the emergency response capability for Katrina's devastation, it's a win-win situation, according to Bush.

"These people need our help," said the president from the third hole at the Baton Rouge Country Club, where he was surveying damage to the golf course. "So, I thought to myself, 'what could I do?' I thought that giving these people a hefty, across-the-board tax cut might help their situation, but then Dick said that sending them off to Iraq would be even better."

"Now, they have a chance to get away from the hell on earth that is their hometown, while at the same time, serve their country. Not only that, it'll teach these people some personal responsibility. Make them examine why they're poor. Maybe learn them a little about the value of hard work."

You gotta help yourself in this life! Going over to Iraq will set them on the straight and narrow! Yup, another mission accomplished for our wonderful president.
Conservative radio talk-show host Simon Scapegoat

The president said there's a symbiotic relationship between Katrina and Iraq, even if he didn't actually use that exact word.

"We diverted money that was earmarked for much-needed levee repair and maintenance in New Orleans to pay for Iraq," explained Bush, "so it just seems fitting that these people do their part to help the cause of freedom in Iraq, seeing that the money that could have went to saving their city has, you know, wound up, goin' over there.

"You see, everything comes full circle...puts everything in a neat little package," added the president.

A spokesperson at the pentagon said that Operation Katrina Freedom will involve the instant enlistment and deployment of all New Orleans-area evacuees over the age of 16, male and female. "We've already started calling up grandmothers from the reserves to go to Iraq, so hurricane refugees who are elderly, infirm, physically handicapped, and those who have been left to die in their own filth on their wheelchair, they will all have a part to play in Iraq. We all have to work together," said the official, a paper bag draped over his head.

Reaction to the Operation Katrina Freedom was mixed among those in the New Orleans area.

Conservative radio talk-show host Simon Scapegoat, who broadcasts his show 'No, shut up, you're an idiot', out of New Orleans, thinks it's a great idea, for one.

Dried, fed, clothed and armed, the latest victims of Katrina are now the heroes of America.

"Bush didn't know what to do with all these people, and really can you blame him? I mean, they're just sitting around, whining about how they need help-I'll tell ya something-help yourselves guys! You gotta help yourself in this life! Going over to Iraq will set them on the straight and narrow! Yup, another mission accomplished for our wonderful president."

"And," added Scapegoat, "seeing that those afflicted by Katrina in New Orleans are visible minorities, marginalized, and poor, they should fit right in with the rest of the army."

As for those afflicted by Katrina themselves, their reaction seemed to be one of bewilderment more than anything else.

"I thought we were going to the Astrodome in Houston, but instead, they brought us to an air force base and said we were being evacuated on military cargo planes," said Lionel Hastings, a 46-year-old construction worker who lost everything when his home in the city's ninth district was inundated by a 20-foot wave of water. "'Freedom rides,' they called them. I thought it seemed kind of strange, but at this point, I'm willing to go anywhere.

"After not eating or drinking for days, after seeing all the dead bodies floating amidst me, after living among mountains of human waste at every corner, and after dodging the crossfire of crazed, gun-toting maniacs, I gotta tell you, downtown Baghdad seems like fucking springtime in Paris right now," added Hastings as he was fitted for fatigues. "Now where do I go to get my gun?"

Posted on September 2nd, 2005

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