Canadian Humour, Satirical News and Hard-Hitting News.
Bringing you the best Canadian satire since 2001.
SNL

Canadian Satire, Humour and Hard-Hitting News View theHammer.ca Headline Feed The Hammer PodCast - Great Canadian Satire and Conversations with the creator's of TheHammer.ca, Trevor and David The Hammer PodCast - Great Canadian Satire and Conversations with the creator's of TheHammer.ca, Trevor and David

Ottawa claims Ultimate Frisbee title

By Bruce Dowbiggin, Senior Sports Correspondent

Ottawa claims Ultimate Frisbee title

(Ottawa) The Ottawa Fristastics have claimed the first ever Eastern Ontario Sunday Afternoon B-Division Ultimate Frisbee Championship, upsetting the Smiths Falls Friziwhiz is a match that featured plenty of running and throwing the frisbee.

Over 10 fans packed the picnic table area of the Huron Road soccer field as the teams -- cross-town rivals during the regular season -- squared off to settle the division title and enjoy each other's company.

"This should be a wake-up call for all those Ottawa sports fans who think Ultimate is just a game, and not a sport at all," enthused onlooker Bruce Dowbiggin, himself a veteran of the big leagues, having played three seasons as right tickle-tosser for the Fristastics, including their infamous crushing tie with Friziwhiz in the 2001 finals.

"Today's tie is a win for all Ottawa sports fans who like to watch people run and throw the frisbee."

Capping an impressive late-season record of 6 ties, 4 draws and a stalemate, the Fristastics scored a last-minute evensie to tie the game at 0-0, with no time left on the clock.

The match was nearly marred by an outbreak of contact between two opposing players, but upon review, the incident was ruled to be contact between one player only, and the match was allowed to continue after she called a penalty on herself.

"Yeah, we nearly got some rough stuff there," shrugged Ottawa enforcer Rev. Joan Van Umbree, 40, "but after I sent myself off for contact with myself, things settled down and everybody really had a good time running and throwing the frisbee."

With the match in its final seconds and Smiths Falls threatening to capitalize on the penalty, star Ottawa nifty-catcher Blake Norris, 32, got loose in the end zone and snagged a laser-beam pass from rookie snappy-thrower Ryan Russell, 18, preserving the tie, and setting up a rousing team song for the win.

Ottawa's Blake Norris snaps up a pass from Ryan Russell for the win!

"Boy, I'm really sorry we upset them," apologized Norris after the game, "I know how upsetting that can be, and we're all really, really sorry."

"That's nice of him to say that," admitted veteran Smiths Falls giggle-back Melvin McGee, 45, "I really hope they're not too sorry though, because then I'd totally feel bad for them."

With emotions running high in the stands, the war of words wasn't limited to the field.

"It's like, totally not fair to keep score anyway," sniffed a visibly upset Friziwhiz supporter as the winning trophy was presented to both teams "It's not like one side has to sing for the game to be fun. There just needs to be running, and, you know, throwing the frisbee ... and, like, if some guy has his dog there? That can be fun too."

Next up for the Ottawa Fristastics is the Canadian Ultimate Frisbee Open, to be played in North Gower at the end of the month.

"We're totally psyched about the nationals," admitted Fristastics captain Donny Northrup, 27, last year's Under-18 Player of the Year. "It means we get to play a lot of the nicest teams in the country. Boy, I sure hope they win."

Posted on July 18th, 2005


Neil_Young-125x125
 

 

The Hammer - Canadian Satirical News, Stories and Hard-Hitting Headlines
©2004 Cancon10 Inc. [ Disclaimer and Privacy Notice ]
Content on this site is satirical and intended for mature audiences.