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Harper Builds Statue of Jean Brault on Front Lawn of Stornaway

Harper Builds Statue of Jean Brault on Front Lawn of Stornaway

Conservative leader Stephen Harper today unveiled a 14-foot-high marble statue of Quebec communications executive Jean Brault at the front of Stornaway, the official residence of the Leader of the Official Opposition.

Harper said the statue was built as a tribute to Brault. "Mr. Brault has done more to resurrect our party's heretofore moribund election chances in one week than I could do in two years. He is a great man."

Brault stunned the Gomery Inquiry during his recent testimony, with tales of kickbacks, phony invoices, cash-filled envelopes trading hands nefariously in smoky backrooms and wanton jaywalking by Liberal Party operatives in Quebec under the guise of the now infamous federal sponsorship program. His irrefutable allegations were so inflammatory, Liberal fortunes plummeted literally overnight; with polls indicating the party could be completely decimated in Quebec and the Yukon come next election. The Liberals could even face the prospect of, gasp...losing power.

Continued Harper, as he gently stroked the feet of his new idol: "If we win the election, which of course, we will, as long as Mike Harris and Preston Manning and Ralph Klein...oh man, I forgot about him...shit...but yeah, as long as they keep their yaps shut for the next couple of months, the statue of the great Brault will be moved to Parliament Hill, right next to the Famous Five.

"We're awaiting the right time, when the polling is just right...erm, we mean, when the Canadian people are ready, when they're ready, to bring down the Liberal minority government," added the Conservative leader, when asked about a potential election date.

The Conservative Party plans to feature Mr. Brault on all of their election campaign literature.

Harper was also asked if it's wise for his party to be placing so much faith in the validity of Brault's allegations, seeing that he's facing fraud charges himself and he has admitted serious ethical breaches of his own?

"Oh no," Harper interjected, "every word the great Brault speaks is true. How can you doubt Mr. Brault - a man whose eloquence, flair and personality are equaled only by yours truly?"

Harper was mum on the cost of the statue, as well as the modeling commission Mr. Brault was paid for it, but he insisted all costs related to the statue's...hee hee...'erection'...were paid with Conservative Party funds. "This is all on the up and up. No sleazy Liberal-connected ad firms were used as middlemen in the production of this statue. We used Tory firms.

"The gravy train's about to switch rails, boys! All hail Brault!"

Posted on April 15th, 2005


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