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Sources Report - Unsubstantiated Horseshit from Jane Tabloid - thehammer.ca's political gossip columnist

Sources Report - Unsubstantiated Horseshit from Jane Tabloid - thehammer.ca's political gossip columnist


Martin, Bush Discuss Gay Marriage Missile Defence; Harper Humps Bush's Leg During Meeting?



The two-hour meeting between Prime Minister Paul Martin and US President George W. Bush focused primarily on the contentious issue of Canada's participation in the continental Gay Marriage Missile Defence system that the Bush administration is presently developing. The president reportedly asked the Prime Minister if Canada was going to take part in the program 137 times in a row. According to sources, the prime minister repeated "maybe" each time he was asked to participate, while also pointing out how "very, very, very" important a decision it was...

Speaking of the President, sources indicate that Bush was "displeased" with the quality of potatoes served during Tuesday night's dinner at the Museum of Civilization. Sources have revealed that Yukon Gold potatoes were the culprits. Come on, Yukon! Shape up!

Reports indicate that Stephen Harper, Leader of the Official Opposition, conveyed his affection for President Bush in very obvious terms during the meeting between the two on Tuesday.
While the two met in private, a source in attendance (and not the same source who always snitches to me about what goes on during caucus meetings), revealed to Sources Report that Harper, elated about having an opportunity to meet the President, began weeping visibly when Bush entered the room. Sources would not confirm whether or not Harper humped the President's lower leg at the meeting's conclusion, but we know a guy who knows a guy who swears he was there and that it is true.
"He was following Bush around Parliament Hill like that little dog who follows the big bulldog everywhere, you know, from the Bugs Bunny cartoon," said one source. "The President was getting really irritated."

Alberta (very) Conservative MP Myron Thompson suffered his 26th heart attack - a new parliamentary record - while accompanying Harper to his meeting with the President. "He's getting into Dick Cheney territory," said one unnamed source. The veteran MP, who's best known for... uh, wearing a big cowboy hat everywhere, made a complete recovery in a matter of minutes. "He carries a defibrillator with him wherever he goes now, just in case," said another source.

Noreen Bubla, staffer for Conservative House Leader Harvey McScotch, was rumoured to have purchased a carrot muffin from the House cafeteria earlier this week. Others have suggested the muffin was oatmeal.

Backbench Liberal MP Charlie Chatham from New Brunswick was seen renting the complete first season of the Littlest Hobo from an Ottawa area video store by sources this weekend. While Chatham's office refused comment, this is clearly a sign that he's jockeying for a run at the Liberal leadership.

HOT: Ben Mulroney! Do we forsee a career in politics?

NOT: Justin Trudeau. Enough with the million dollar words, Justin. You're way too young (and way too cute) to be talking like that all the time. And like, could somebody please tell me who Tommy Douglas is?

Posted on December 2nd, 2004


 

 
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