Sources Report - Unsubstantiated Horseshit from Jane Tabloid - thehammer.ca's political gossip columnist
Martin, Bush Discuss Gay Marriage Missile Defence; Harper Humps Bush's
Leg During Meeting?
The two-hour meeting between Prime Minister Paul Martin and US
President George W. Bush focused primarily on the contentious issue
of Canada's participation in the continental Gay Marriage Missile
Defence system that the Bush administration is presently
developing. The president reportedly asked the Prime Minister if
Canada was going to take part in the program 137 times in a row.
According to sources, the prime minister repeated "maybe" each time
he was asked to participate, while also pointing out how "very,
very, very" important a decision it was...
Speaking of the President, sources indicate that Bush was
"displeased" with the quality of potatoes served during Tuesday
night's dinner at the Museum of Civilization. Sources have revealed
that Yukon Gold potatoes were the culprits. Come on, Yukon! Shape
Reports indicate that Stephen Harper, Leader of the Official
Opposition, conveyed his affection for President Bush in very
obvious terms during the meeting between the two on Tuesday.
While the two met in private, a source in attendance (and not
the same source who always snitches to me about what goes on
during caucus meetings), revealed to Sources Report that Harper,
elated about having an opportunity to meet the President, began
weeping visibly when Bush entered the room. Sources would not
confirm whether or not Harper humped the President's lower leg
at the meeting's conclusion, but we know a guy who knows a guy
who swears he was there and that it is true.
"He was following Bush around Parliament Hill like that little
dog who follows the big bulldog everywhere, you know, from the
Bugs Bunny cartoon," said one source. "The President was getting
Alberta (very) Conservative MP Myron Thompson suffered his 26th
heart attack - a new parliamentary record - while accompanying
Harper to his meeting with the President. "He's getting into Dick
Cheney territory," said one unnamed source. The veteran MP, who's
best known for... uh, wearing a big cowboy hat everywhere, made a
complete recovery in a matter of minutes. "He carries a
defibrillator with him wherever he goes now, just in case," said
Noreen Bubla, staffer for Conservative House Leader Harvey
McScotch, was rumoured to have purchased a carrot muffin from the
House cafeteria earlier this week. Others have suggested the muffin
Backbench Liberal MP Charlie Chatham from New Brunswick was seen
renting the complete first season of the Littlest Hobo from an
Ottawa area video store by sources this weekend. While Chatham's
office refused comment, this is clearly a sign that he's jockeying
for a run at the Liberal leadership.
HOT: Ben Mulroney! Do we forsee a career in politics?
NOT: Justin Trudeau. Enough with the million dollar words, Justin.
You're way too young (and way too cute) to be talking like that all
the time. And like, could somebody please tell me who Tommy Douglas
Posted on December 2nd, 2004