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You Call This a Drawing of a Horse?

by Vicarious, Angry Hockey Dad

You Call This a Drawing of a Horse?

So, how's kindergarten going so far, son? Has the teacher learned ya your multiplication tables yet?

Whaddya mean you don't know what multiplication tables are? You've been in kindergarten, what, three weeks now, and they haven't taught you your times tables yet? What the hell is going on at that school?

No, I don't think I'm being unreasonable, Bernice. I knew my times tables all the way up to the 12's before I even started kindergarten. My old man made damn sure of that. He didn't want his son showin' up at school not being able to do his multiplications. Why, I could tell you that 8 times 7 is 51 before my fourth birthday.

So tell me, son, what are they teaching you, anyway?

What's that? Drawing?...

I don't think I heard that right. Drawing? Like pictures? What's practical about that? I know he's only in kindergarten, but drawing shit isn't gonna help him get a job, Bernice. No wonder we're losing to the Chinese. Their kids are learning the whole goddamn Chinese alphabet, which is like 6,000 letters or something, by the time they're six, and my son is wasting his time in school drawing? Ya know, that guy on the radio is right. The whole damn school system needs overhaulin'. Goddamn Liberals.

No, no Bernice. Don't humour me. Listen-my tax dollars are paying for him to go to school, and I just think that there are a lot of things more important for him to be learning than ?drawing' shit like some kind of art queer, that's all. I don't want him to wind up like me, you know, slaving away at some shitty, dead-end job when he's older. The guy on the radio said, and he should know, because he knows everything about everything when it comes to this sort of stuff-the quality of education you get in kindergarten has an impact on your kid's mental...formation and all that. He has to learn the fundamentals now, Bernice. He's not gonna become a road scholar if he's just drawing pretty little pictures all day.

Well, at least I'm taking an interest in what he's learning, Bernice. If it were up to you, it'd perfectly all right for him to be finger painting and dancing around the maypole all day long. You're supposed to go to school to have a sense of discipline put into you, and you get that from memorizing stuff, not from this craft shit.

No, no, OK ...come on, son, ya might as well show your pop what you've been ?drawing' at school. Go get your schoolbag.

This is what you do in kindergarten all day? I...I don't get it. I do not get this. Is this like modern art or something? What is this supposed to be?

A horse? This is supposed to be a drawing of a horse? I'm sorry, son, but this is a shitty drawing of a horse. But it is, Bernice! It doesn't look like a horse at all! It just looks like some big...brown and green blob or something...well, if he's gonna be drawing pictures all day, you think that they could at least teach him how to do it right...

You know I can't sugarcoat stuff like you, Bernice. That's broad's stuff. If something looks like shit, I'm gonna tell him. Do you think when he's the Prime Minister, people are gonna tell him he's done a great job all the time? He might as well get used to the truth right now while he's young...

No, son...now don't go crying like some little pansy...C'mon now...your, your...mother is...right. She's right. This is a...pretty good drawing of a horse. Look at his tail there, and...his...face and stuff...

Bernice, what's the number for his school?

Posted on September 28th, 2004


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