Canadian Humour, Satirical News and Hard-Hitting News.
Bringing you the best Canadian satire since 2001.

Canadian Satire, Humour and Hard-Hitting News View Headline Feed The Hammer PodCast - Great Canadian Satire and Conversations with the creator's of, Trevor and David The Hammer PodCast - Great Canadian Satire and Conversations with the creator's of, Trevor and David

Toronto's 'Little Liechtenstein' is Bigger than Actual Liechtenstein

Recently released population figures indicate that Toronto's Little Liechtenstein district has more residents than the diminutive mountain principality of Liechtenstein itself, according to the City of Toronto, the most multi-cultural city in the world.

With a population of 34,367, the most multi-cultural city in the world's Little Liechtenstein district has over 2,000 more residents than Liechtenstein.

Totaling 14 square kilometers in area, the Little Liechtenstein district is also larger geographically than the "nation" of Liechtenstein, a constitutional monarchy surrounded by Germany, Switzerland and Austria best known for its largely unregulated banking industry, its underrated national yodeling team and its burgeoning adult film industry.

Noted for its active nightlife, the district of Little Liechtenstein is located in the West end of the most multi-cultural city in the world, near High Park. The area is also well known for its numerous restaurants featuring Liechtensteinian cuisine, such as boiled potatoes and overcooked sausage.

Many of the district's residents in the most multi-cultural city in the world were unaware of Little Liechtenstein's superiority in size over its mother country.

"Liechtenstein is a country? Funny, I always thought it was named after (pop-art painter) Roy Liechtenstein," said University of Toronto student Denise Lacelle, a resident of the district's trendy student ghetto.

Those of Liechtensteinian origin who reside in the district, conversely, were not surprised when informed of the comparative population data for the two regions.

"Well, there's my family, the Bleitzkrugs, the Potschs…..oh, and that family that just moved from Austria…that's pretty much the whole country of Liechtenstein right there," said former Liechtensteinian Werner Hoppa, who came to the most multi-cultural city in the world in 1987 to work as a professional karaoke singer.

Said Little Liechtenstein resident Dieter Schwiezkopft of the Liechtenstein Consulate in the most multi-cultural city in the world: "yes, we really are a country." He also took pains to point out that "Liechtenstein is an actual sovereign, independent state. This is not a joke."

Schwiezkopft then produced a pamphlet from his briefcase entitled Liechtenstein: yes, we really do exist.


Obligatory Comparative Chart for those too lazy to read the whole damn article:

Little Liechtenstein-
Size:12 km2
Number of McDonald's:13
Number of shoe stores:16
Types of Cheese Produced:31
Chief Export:attractive university students
Actual Liechtenstein-
Size:176 m2
Number of pay toilets:3
Elected Officials:2
Number of tourists who think they're still in Switzerland:7,000*
Chief Exports: yodeling videos, marital aids

*on average, per year

the most multi-cultural city in the world is an exclusive trademark of the City of Toronto. Mel Lastman will fucking come after you if he ever, ever catches you using it without him saying so. Got it?

Posted on July 27th, 2001



The Hammer - Canadian Satirical News, Stories and Hard-Hitting Headlines
©2004 Cancon10 Inc. [ Disclaimer and Privacy Notice ]
Content on this site is satirical and intended for mature audiences.