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A Word from our Labrador City Bureau Chief

A Word from our Labrador City Bureau Chief

CTV's Goose Bay office is calling me repeatedly.

They're offering me their bureau chief position, along with company car, free golf club membership, housing allowance…. honestly, they must forget where I come from. All the lumber in Labrador couldn't get me to stop for a cup of coffee in Happy Valley-Goose Bay-I don't care what the offer is. I was born a Labrador City man, and I'll die a Labrador City man.

If our Goose Bay correspondent (whom I haven't spoken with in three years, ever since he threw up on my shoes at the publisher's Christmas party) is too drunk to cover a story in Cartwright (don't even get me started about those smug SOB's) and our shop gets stuck with the assignment, I always make sure to take Highway 500's ring road around Goose Bay, the 2500, so that the tires of my car will never have to touch Goose Bay pavement.

Normally, I am the very model of compassion and tolerance. That is, except when it comes to the Happy Valley-Goose Bay greater metropolitan area, and the feeble excuses for humanity that choose to dwell there.

Thankfully, my 27 years of loyal, dedicated service with this publication have given me the seniority to pick and choose what stories I cover. I always send the cub reporter to cover anything in the cesspool that is Goose Bay when their office closes down for "vacation" (annual trip to detox) for the summer. The new reporter is from Schefferville, so she doesn't seem to care much either way, although I have to say that I think I'm winning her over to the Labrador City side of the equation.

I know that you probably think it strange that the senior staff member of this paper, being the erudite Eastern gentleman that he is, could have such distaste for one particular region of our otherwise beautiful quasi-province. Well, there's a history behind all of this.

The Labrador City-Goose Bay rivalry dates back for as long as anyone in this part of the world can remember. Our parents fought their parents, our grandparents broke hockey sticks over their grandparents' heads, and on and on it goes. No one is exactly sure what the origins of the inter-city hatred are, but historians believe it dates all the way back to the 1500's. Archival documents indicate a fierce and gory harpoon battle between Basque whalers situated in the two towns in 1563, in a dispute believed to have started over who controlled Labrador's thriving theatre industry.

Personally, I think it has to do with a difference in attitude and outlook. Metro Happy Valley-Goose Bay has a big city feel that turns off people like us, people from the Town of Labrador City. Good honest, hard working folk who might not be flashy, but who put food on the table, dammit. We aren't caught up in the rat race of the workaday world like they are in the "Happy" Valley area. Congestion, the smog, sitting in traffic day after day, it's just not the Labrador City way of life.

We like living in a town where you can feel safe walking the streets at night. A place where everyone knows everyone else. Oh sure, Goose Bay has the high life, the fancy restaurants, the culture and the glamour that comes with being Goose Bay, but they'll never have the heart of a Western Labradorian.

Hatred for Goose Bay is something you're born with in this town, and it'll always be that way, despite the efforts of those namby-pamby feel good new-agers from St. John's who come over here with their "public education" campaigns. They even set up an "Inter-City Commission on Discussion and Dialogue." What a bunch of champagne socialist nonsense. The only thing worth discussing with anyone from that town (repeatedly typing the words 'Goose Bay' is getting my dander up) is how to give them roundabout directions back to where they came from.

I can only hope that the polar ice caps melt even more rapidly than present, so that Goose Bay can wind up where it belongs. Under water. I hope you hoity-toity Goose Bay goofuses are good swimmers. Bring on global warming!!!

-Your Labrador CITY correspondent

Posted on July 13th, 2001


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