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Cracker Jacks to Offer Province of Ontario Driver's Licences as 'Prize in every bag'

Cracker Jacks to Offer Province of Ontario Driver's Licences as 'Prize in every bag'
Convienence and Promotion: A perfect partnership

Citing a sharp drop in sales in recent years and an ultra-competitive snack food market, Hostess Frito-Lay Canada CEO Myles Pickwick announced yesterday that as of next month, every bag of Cracker Jack-the caramel corn peanut and molasses snack treat enjoyed by consumers around the world since 1896-will contain a valid province of Ontario driver's licence.

"This is a great day for the people of Ontario," said Pickwick. "Now, Ontarians who are pressed for time or otherwise ineligible to operate a motorized vehicle will have the opportunity to be fully licenced drivers, all by simply purchasing specially marked bags of delicious Cracker Jacks."

Pickwick continued, "The next time someone who cuts you off thinks they're being clever by asking you in between punches if you got your licence in a box of Cracker Jacks, you can emphatically answer, "why yes! Yes, I did!"

The partnership announcement between Hostess Frito Lay and the Government of Ontario will result in every bag of Cracker Jacks containing a blank Ontario driver's licence, which the newly licensed motorist simply has to fill in and affix a photograph.
Once completed, the person is legally permitted to drive.

Ontario Minister of Transport Dirk Bombadir welcomed the partnership agreement with Cracker Jacks, proclaiming this as yet another example of the Government of Ontario's "War on Red Tape."

Soon available inside specially marked boxes and bags of Cracker Jack

"The Harris Government is committed to providing essential government services to the taxpayers of Ontario in the most efficient, orderly way imaginable," read Minister Bombadir from a prepared statement.

"Now, drivers will be able to take care of all their licensing needs by simply heading to the corner store and seeking out specially marked packages of tasty Cracker Jack candy."

The Minister also pointed out in a media conference call that the subsequent elimination of the Ministry of Transportation's Licencing Bureau and point of service outlets throughout the province will save Ontario taxpayers "hundreds of millions of hard-earned tax dollars."

Walter Jenoriak of Smiths Falls, Ontario, whose six impaired driving convictions previously excluded him from driving legally, expressed enthusiasm with the Cracker Jacks promotion.

"Hot damn! I'm gonna bike down to the corner store tomorrow and buy me up all the bags of Cracker Jacks that they'se gots!," announced Jenoriak.

Pickwick revealed also that partnership agreements with other provinces are in the works and close to fruition.

"Soon, all Canadians from coast to coast to coast will be able to get their driver's licenses, not to mention other government services whose procurement once wasted millions of hours collectively, in a wide array of Hostess-Frito Lay snack products," added Pickwick.

This represents the first time Government-issued documents will be offered in food sold in Canada since Kellogg's Corn Flakes offered valid Canadian passports from 1976 to 1979.

Posted on June 29th, 2001


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