Pseudo-Intellectual Yoga, Golf and Spirituality Tips
by a Mysterious Man in line with you at the Bus Ticket Window
The first golf tournament that I ever won, it was all thanks to
my kundara's guidance. My kundara was the first person
to properly align my cosmos with the swami's outer constabulary.
It was only when this alignment occurred that I was truly able to
break on through to the other side, as a wise Eastern mystic once
said. You too can achieve this, if you would stop trying to avoid
the truth that I speak by covering your face with the newspaper.
The Globe and Mail will not bring you on the path to enlightenment,
but I will.
Although I do not like to think of myself as a linear thinker,
I realize it is the only way you will be able to finally comprehend
what it is that I'm saying. So follow this logical progression:
By following the principles of Ananda and finally utilizing
your mind and body to its full potential, you will undoubtedly see
an improvement in the transferal of energy from the intermediary,
the head of your golf club, to the golf ball, which of course will
lower your golf scores. By improving your golf game and attaining
the subsequent mastery of your zen, your radiant flow will work
to make the world a more balanced and harmonious place to live.
Peace on earth can be achieved through an improvement in the collective
golf game of humanity.
What are you doing? Oh, I see, you've turned on me.
You've gone and fetched the mall rent-a-cops. How courageous of
you. How typically bourgeois and expected. Why can't anyone appreciate
and understand the truth that I espouse? Hey, get......get
away from me!!! No, stop...I am not using profanity, sir, I would
never stoop to such a level, for I am in control.....unhand me
at once!!!!!........Do you want me to use Anusara to
break your legs? It can be done, you know.....do you know what
anusara means? It means to "step into the current of
the divine will." It has been known to severely maim.......
AHHHH.....my tadasana!!!!!!! I'll press charges if you
strike me there again, you failed policeman!!!!!!!!! I'll sue for
lost wages if I don't win my next golf tournament....... ARRRRRGHHHH......repeat
the sutras, repeat the sutras, repeat the sutras........oh,
you make it seem like getting pepper sprayed is a big deal.....as
if I've never been maced before......I can overpower any spray
to any part of the body with............. AAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH........IN
THE HOLY NAME OF VISHNU.......all right, I'll leave, I'll
Oh, you might buy your tickets in books of ten, but you'll run
out!!!! Don't think I won't be back next week to shake you out of
tour dreary yuppie complacency........you don't need to push,
you son of a AAAARRRRRRGHHHHHH.......
Posted on June 29th, 2001