Canadian Humour, Satirical News and Hard-Hitting News.
Bringing you the best Canadian satire since 2001.
Banner, 728x90px

Canadian Satire, Humour and Hard-Hitting News View theHammer.ca Headline Feed The Hammer PodCast - Great Canadian Satire and Conversations with the creator's of TheHammer.ca, Trevor and David The Hammer PodCast - Great Canadian Satire and Conversations with the creator's of TheHammer.ca, Trevor and David

Pseudo-Intellectual Yoga, Golf and Spirituality Tips

by a Mysterious Man in line with you at the Bus Ticket Window

Pseudo-Intellectual Yoga, Golf and Spirituality Tips

The first golf tournament that I ever won, it was all thanks to my kundara's guidance. My kundara was the first person to properly align my cosmos with the swami's outer constabulary. It was only when this alignment occurred that I was truly able to break on through to the other side, as a wise Eastern mystic once said. You too can achieve this, if you would stop trying to avoid the truth that I speak by covering your face with the newspaper.

The Globe and Mail will not bring you on the path to enlightenment, but I will.

Although I do not like to think of myself as a linear thinker, I realize it is the only way you will be able to finally comprehend what it is that I'm saying. So follow this logical progression: By following the principles of Ananda and finally utilizing your mind and body to its full potential, you will undoubtedly see an improvement in the transferal of energy from the intermediary, the head of your golf club, to the golf ball, which of course will lower your golf scores. By improving your golf game and attaining the subsequent mastery of your zen, your radiant flow will work to make the world a more balanced and harmonious place to live.

Peace on earth can be achieved through an improvement in the collective golf game of humanity.

What are you doing? Oh, I see, you've turned on me.

You've gone and fetched the mall rent-a-cops. How courageous of you. How typically bourgeois and expected. Why can't anyone appreciate and understand the truth that I espouse? Hey, get......get away from me!!! No, stop...I am not using profanity, sir, I would never stoop to such a level, for I am in control.....unhand me at once!!!!!........Do you want me to use Anusara to break your legs? It can be done, you know.....do you know what anusara means? It means to "step into the current of the divine will." It has been known to severely maim....... AHHHH.....my tadasana!!!!!!! I'll press charges if you strike me there again, you failed policeman!!!!!!!!! I'll sue for lost wages if I don't win my next golf tournament....... ARRRRRGHHHH......repeat the sutras, repeat the sutras, repeat the sutras........oh, you make it seem like getting pepper sprayed is a big deal.....as if I've never been maced before......I can overpower any spray to any part of the body with............. AAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH........IN THE HOLY NAME OF VISHNU.......all right, I'll leave, I'll leave..............

Oh, you might buy your tickets in books of ten, but you'll run out!!!! Don't think I won't be back next week to shake you out of tour dreary yuppie complacency........you don't need to push, you son of a AAAARRRRRRGHHHHHH.......

Posted on June 29th, 2001


 

 

The Hammer - Canadian Satirical News, Stories and Hard-Hitting Headlines
©2004 Cancon10 Inc. [ Disclaimer and Privacy Notice ]
Content on this site is satirical and intended for mature audiences.