Premier Landry Reveals New Techniques of Persuasion for Quebec Sovereignty Movement

An exclusive behind-the- scenes photograph from the newly developed Quebec sovereignty school

New Quebec Premier Bernard Landry has unveiled the key element of developing winning conditions for the inevitable next referendum on Quebec's status within the Canadian federation.

After becoming premier, Landry announced that a cadre of soveriegntists will be trained on techniques of persuasion before moving out across the province to communicate with the Quebec people.

Premier Landry has announced that a key element of the curriculum of this 'Institut pour le formation des attitudes ce que nous voulons' (Institute for the development of attitudes that we want), militants to the cause will be given instruction on the figure four leg lock, a wrestling maneuver to be applied to those who have yet to become fully supportive of Quebec independence.

When properly applied, the move can also cause "a whole lot of hurtin' in the legs," in the words of Premier Landry.

Graduates of the taxpayer-funded school of political persuasion will embark on three month tours of duty in all corners of the Quebec nation, putting federalists, anglophones, allophones, all other ethnic minorities and "soft, mushy nationalists" in the infamous finishing move, holding them in it until the recipient agrees, in writing, to supporting Quebec sovereignty.

"We will hold them in the move as long as needed," the Premier defiantly bellowed before blowing his nose with the Canadian flag.

When asked about the possibility of legs being broken by such an initiative, Premier Landry replied, "Jean Chrétien, Stéphane Dion and Jean Charest and their gang of flag wavers have been breaking the legs of the Quebec nation for years now with their Hard-line, big time, Plan B oppression of my people's will," the Premier barked before adding, "if a few legs are broken, that's a small price to pay. I don't want no more of this garbage."

Landry then repeatedly spit on the floor and broke a full bottle of beer open on his forehead.

Speaking into an oversized microphone, Quebec's opposition leader Jean Charest told Quebec National Assembly host Maurice "Mad Dog" Vachon that this new Parti Quebecois figure four leg lock strategy is an "enormous waste of Quebec's public treasury."

"Premier Landry's figure four leg lock crap is yet another example of the PQ government attemptin' to force sovereignty down the throats of Quebec, when they ain't got no stomach for such a wrenching, divisive debate, especially right now when we got so much more to do," Charest added while caressing his sculpted, 18 inch biceps.

"Besides," Charest added, "everyone knows that it's not that hard to reverse the figure four and use it against your opponent."

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