"TURN IT TO CPAC-THE PM MIGHT BE SNORING": Inexpensive filler or dynamic overnight reality programming? A scene from the pilot of CPAC's Our Sleeping Leaders-Prime Minister Paul Martin catches a few z's.

In its eternal quest to slake our nation's unquenchable political thirst, CPAC, the Cable Public Affairs Channel, the highest rated television network in Canadian history, has launched an exciting new overnight program just in time for the final days of the 2004 election campaign.

Airing every evening from 11 PM to 7 AM local time, Our Sleeping Leaders is a new show that will provide viewers with an exclusive look at the leaders of Canada's four major parties wherever they happen to be sleeping, whether it be a hotel room in Comox, B.C., a campaign bus parked at the side of the road in Dildo, Newfoundland, or a park bench in Montreal.

"While CPAC has given viewers critical information such as Paul Martin's jock size and Stephen Harper's thorough hair care regimen over the past month, the Canadian public has not yet been able to see what our leaders are like in the wee hours of the night. We feel that Canadians want to know more about the nocturnal habits of our leaders, and CPAC is proud to provide this service," said John Ahnschlong, the network's director of late night programming. "It should make for very exciting television."

The spokesperson for the network said that depending on ratings, the program will more than likely carry on after the election and throughout the summer. "We think the large audience that we attract at 10 PM with Duceppe After Dark, our wildly successful late night variety show, will give us very solid numbers for the 11 PM time slot," said Ahnschlong. "We think we've got a hit on our hands."

Was it, we asked him, hard to get the leaders to comply?

"No," snapped a curt Ahnschlong, "these people are politicians. It was actually Jack Layton's idea. He wrote the treatment."

Conservative leader Stephen Harper said having a TV camera trained on him all night as he sleeps doesn't bother him. "Initially, my wife wasn't too crazy about the idea, but it's a great opportunity for Canadians to get more familiar with my sleeping patterns."

But what about…you know?

"Please. We're Conservatives. We've already had our two children. We don't…do that sort of stuff anymore."