I Sure Am Glad There's Gonna Be Another First Ministers Meeting on Health

Merv Jeacle

Had a little flare-up of my diabetes and I had to come into the emergency a couple of weeks back. Whew...so I've been laid out on this stretcher for...uh, 23 days now I think? You kind of lose track of time after a while. From the tiny bit of the outside world I can see, I think it's gone from light to dark and light again outside at least 22 times, if memory serves...eerily similar to being at work, only I don't get to lie down there...

It was really nice of the hospital to give me a pen and a stack of paper, so I could file my regular, semi-annual column, right on time.

Here it is...

The nurses are really nice-sure they have to work hard, but every day, or, well, every couple of days for sure, they hose me down and leave me some food. Usually they smile when they're doing it too. Except this one nurse. She reminds me of that nurse from that Jack Nicklaus movie...something about a chicken's nest, or something? I try making conversation with her, but she doesn't seem very interested...ahh, whaddya gonna do? Maybe she needs a vacation. I think I'll offer her my fishing cabin next weekend. Not like I'm gonna be needing it!

Maybe that'll bring a smile to her face.

Really, there could be worse hallways to be left in. I've become very familiar with the ceiling tiles here. Sure are a lot of dots. As far as staring ceilings go, I 've done pretty well for myself.

You know, some of the people on the stretchers around me are kind of bitter about not being able to get a hospital bed, but being angry doesn't solve anything. That's what I always tell them. The lady on the stretcher next to me has been waiting for a bed for 31 days now, so I guess I can see why she'd be getting a little impatient by now. But her ship will come in. That's what I tell her. You've just gotta roll with it. I'm sure that there are bugs that need to be worked out in the system, but I'm patient. Get it? I'm patient. That's a pun. It always cracks the doctors and nurses up.

You have to keep your sense of humour at times like this...

Somedays they move me around the hallway on my stretcher, just to change my view. Right now, I'm staring at the back of an ambulance. Very clean ambulance. Say what you want about our health care system, they sure do keep those ambulances clean. You can almost see your reflection. That's clean.

They move me around from hospital to hospital here in town after every couple of days, telling me that they've found a bed for me, but sure enough, every time we get there, the bed is gone. Must be bad luck. Hey, first come, first serve, right?

Even still, it's nice to get out.

I read in the paper yesterday (at least I think it was yesterday-might have been a couple of weeks ago) that there'll be another first ministers meeting on health this summer. You know, when the Prime Minister meets with all of the..what are they called? Little Prime Ministers? Anyway, they talk about health and stuff. I think it's the 43rd time they've met in the last couple of years to talk about the health care system, the article said.

I'm suer they'll get things worked out this time. Maybe I'll have a hospital bed by the time they get together. That's another joke. Black humour, they call that. Not really sure why. The nurse last night really liked that one. Laughed real hard.

I've still got the touch with the ladies...

They promised me that they'll have a bed for me tomorrow, and why shouldn't I believe them?

I can't even remember why I'm here now. Do I even have diabetes? Oh well, time for a nap...my friend Arnie's coming to visit this afternoon, and I wanna be rested...