At a campaign stop, uhm, no, just a routine visit in Riviere-du-Loup yesterday to announce new funding for Canada's beleaguered poutine industry, Prime Minister Martin spoke proudly as to how resurrecting Canadian poutine is his government's first priority. "Getting authentic Québécois poutine back on Canadian dinner plates and into our nation's chip wagons is my government's first priority," said the Prime Minister to rousing applause from several area Liberal candidates, and a couple of other...people.

In his four months as Prime Minister, Martin has now announced 75 "first priorities" for his government. Other "first priorities" that the PM has declared in recent weeks include picking up his dry cleaning, getting a new pair of Dockers on the weekend, ridding the country of Canada goose droppings, and fixing the potholes on the road to his cottage. According to the PM, a 'kitchen session' in Winnipeg is planned for next week on dryer lint. "Ridding problematic, fire-causing lint from Canada's dryers is my government' first priority," said the PM in a statement yesterday afternoon.

The political party that has brought not giving a crap to new and exciting levels of Canadian politics postponed their planned leadership convention for the 13th consecutive weekend this past week. However, Evan Tyndall, official spokesperson for the Progressive Apathy Party, promised to "get his shit together, real soon" so that a convention can be held.

"Ever since our last leader, Bob...something or other, defected to the Liberals, we've been sayin' for the longest time that we really should have a leader for the next election," admitted Tyndall. And so we need to have like, a convention. But we couldn't do it last week, because the media wasn't really around. I should give that reporter guy I know a call.

"And I guess we need a location to hold it," continued Tyndall. "Hmm...I wonder what episode of Friends is on tonight? Oh yeah, if you have a convention, I guess you need to have candidates? We...haven't really found anyone, quite yet. I'm workin' on it. Sort of.

"We really gotta capitalize on all of the apathy goin' on. If you take the percentage of people that won't vote next election, and translate that into the like, total vote, we could have a Progressive Apathy majority government in the next couple of months. Dude!"