Lord Tries to Get At Least One Ex-New Brunswicker to Move Back
Are you from New Brunswick? We're sorry to hear that. Just kidding. Well...not
really. If current population trends continue for Canada's Drive-Through Province,
there will only be 16 people left in New Brunswick by 2012. Understandably,
the provincial government is concerned about this.
|KINDA SLOW RIGHT NOW, BUT IT'LL PICK UP: Premier
Bernard Lord waits on Highway 2 at the Quebec-New Brunswick border to welcome
returning New Brunswickers moving back to their home province.
That's why if you're a New Brunswick native, (and ONLY if you're a New Brunswick
native - if you're not originally from there, then screw off - you're not welcome)
Premier Bernard Lord wants you. No, not in a sexual sense - well, we can't be
sure about that, but really, that's none of our business. But he does want you
in a figurative sort of way. This is because the Premier of New Brunswick is
going on a cross-country tour in an effort to lure ex-pat New Brunswickers back
to their home province.
Using the slogan "No Longer the Hellhole it Once Was," the Premier's traveling
road show hit Ottawa yesterday, and before a room of approximately 20 people
(many who weren't there for the free Moosehead), the Premier pointed out that
New Brunswick has many opportunities for today's young professional.
"Today's New Brunswick is not the New Brunswick you all fled like
lemmings as soon as you turned 18," Premier Lord told the crowd. "It
has much more to offer than just call centres and telemarketing jobs - we've
got telemarketing supervisors jobs too now.
"Not to mention the numerous new careers and fields emerging in our great province.
For example, at the local supermarket in my neighbourhood, the cashiers have
been forced to bag the groceries themselves for some months now, ever since
that Williams kid went off to university in Alberta. They definitely need another
bag boy. Maybe even two.
The trees! The gas stations! And we got a real nice new flagpole in Oromocto
now. Come on back! Please?
-Bernard Lord ain't too proud to beg
"And countless positions are going unfilled at the West Edmundston Mall
food court as well. How could I forget about that?"
The Premier also drew attention to the more laid back lifestyle in New Brunswick,
as opposed to the hustle and bustle of Upper Canadian cities such as Toronto,
Ottawa and Smiths Falls.
"New Brunswick offers a slower pace of life than what you're probably accustomed
to here. In fact, it's downright lethargic. Sleepy. You could drive through
a town in the Miramichi Valley, or, well, pretty much anywhere else in New Brunswick
for that matter, and not even know if it was inhabited or not."
And according to the Premier, New Brunswick's arts scene is highly underrated.
"New Brunswick's culture and its nightlife is world class," insisted
Premier Lord. "We get all of the big shows and musicals that Toronto gets.
Like just last week, Honeymoon Suite played two sold out shows at Mike's Tavern
in Moncton! And you haven't seen Shakespeare's 'As You Like It' until you've
seen the Campbellton Community Players perform it. It opens next month! Get
your tickets now!"
|Lots of gas pumpin' jobs in New Brunswick!
Fredericton's Becky McJunkins, 25, was on hand as part of the 'Please Come
Back to New Brunswick' tour. She was hired by the province last summer as a
spokesperson for the campaign. She spoke about her home province as glowingly
as one...possibly could.
"I understand why you all left New Brunswick," she told the crowd of ex-New
Brunswickers at the presentation. "Really, if I had my druthers, I would be
on the first flight back to Vancouver myself, but I got suckered into this whole
traveling road show, where I...have to pretend how happy I was to come back
to New Brunswick after university. But I actually like living there. It's so...relaxing.
And hilly....so many...Irving gas stations...
"I uh, forget what my point was...."
However, 29-year-old information technology professional Fred Bubleau of Ottawa,
who was born and raised in suburban Saint John, went away from the presentation
"Look, it's not that I don't feel an affinity for my home province. I
liked growing up there. My parents and a few cousins are still there. If there
was something I could find in my field there, I would go back for sure.
"Ah, who am I kidding? The best thing about New Brunswick is the sign
that says 'Welcome to Nova Scotia.' I'm so glad I got the hell out of there."