Jimmy 'the Hobblemaker' Trifecta gives pointers to his son Timmy-Boy at his gambling collectors' international training camp in Las Vegas.

As the National Football League's 2003 season kicked off recently, gambling debt collectors broke training camp in Las Vegas this weekend, ready for an exciting new season of extracting money and/or pain from indebted gamblers across the United States and Canada.

An estimated $975 kajillion dollars US is bet on the NFL every week, in the state of New Hampshire alone.

For five years now, toughs with the unenviable task of collecting the debts of unlucky gamblers who come out on the losing end of the bet(s) have been meeting in Las Vegas every September. Here, they discuss technique and changes in the way gambling debts are collected, as well as gauging their fitness and strength, according to camp coordinator and founder Jimmy 'the Hobblemaker' Trifecta, a veteran gambling bookmaker and enforcer.

Said Trifecta: "The NFL season is like Christmas for us…legitimate bookmakers. Much like the athletes of the NFL, we have to ensure that our workers are in optimal physical condition so that we can maximize our earnings once our best customers really start getting into debt around Week 8 or 9 (of the NFL season).

"While today's indebted gamblers continue to get bigger and faster, it's important that our boys also work on their speed, their strength and their agility," added Trifecta.

The veteran of the sports gambling business said he started the collectors' training camp because he enjoys imparting his experience and wisdom on the next generation.

"I got out of the biz a few years back, 'cause collecting earnings is a young man's game," explained Trifecta, 53, as he watched over a group of rookies sitting in on a seminar on shoulder separation.

Whaddya mean you don't got my four dollars?

"But you should see my son Timmy crack an elbow," boasted the proud papa. "That takes me back to the good old days."

The camp also gives North America's bookmakers a chance to check out the up-and-coming talent in the business. "We can get a look at all of the youngsters out there, and it lets us see who stayed in shape during the off-season and who let themselves go," according to Donnie "the Dandyman" Dupree, who operates a sports book and website in Vegas.

"Back in the 50's and 60's, guys would just club their way into form during training camp, or maybe with a little bit of recreational work during baseball season. But that's just not acceptable today. You need to come into camp in playoff conditioning if you're gonna compete."

The camp was very useful to debt collector Terry Beat-Withastick of Sioux City, Iowa. "I had no idea that my old kneecap-clubbing technique was often resulting in only partial tearing of the anterior cruciate ligament, instead of a complete severing. I used to wonder why my owers could still get up and run away. Now I know why.

"Thanks to that clubbing workshop I took, I'm so much more efficient-there's much more of an....economy of motion in my stroke.

"I can't wait to get out and apply everything I've learned onto the fingernails of some degenerate lowlife who's into my boss for 10 or 12 large….bring em on!!!" said an excited Beat-Withastick.

Across town in Vegas, indebted gamblers also finished their NFL regular-season training sessions, including a variety of windsprints and other cardio drills for fleeing purposes.

A clean break

"We emphasize speed here," said camp director and former big-league baseball superstar Pete Rose.

The hard work appears to pay dividends for those in the hole to their bookmaker.

"Man, I just need a couple more weeks to get my stuff together. But I feel good now. I know my ship is coming in this week, as long as the Bills cover, and New England comes through for me, I'll be back on track…then I can tell those bookies to go get stuffed," said camp attendee Clarence Dukan, of Pulaski, New York, who presently owes his bookie $45,000 US after the first three weeks of the NFL season.

"Oh yeah, everything's comin' up Dukan this week, I can feel it."