At Issue panelist for hire

So here we are, an hour and change into the official election campaign, and I still haven't been contacted by any media outlets for my chance to regurgitate stunningly obvious platitudes about the campaign and the election itself. I'm staring at that phone, longingly...

Come on, producers! I'm just itching to provide quotes here!

Here's just a sampling of some of the insightful, penetrating musings I can bring to your 'talking heads' panel:

"Whoever does best in Ontario will win the election."

"Stephen Harper has a lot to prove this campaign."

"This will be a nasty election."

"It's cold in winter."

"Did I mention that this election will be nasty?"

"The Bloc Québécois will do very well, especially in Quebec...less so in Nova Scotia."

"New Brunswick is a hellhole."

Drop me a line, media bookers...competitive rates.